i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
