ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
