The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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