Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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