My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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