well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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