How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize