woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
