It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize