you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She even gives head with a lisp.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
