Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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