I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
