Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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