Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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