were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You are the jesus of drinking
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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