this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
