I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize