you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
