So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
