Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
