it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
