just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
