I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
