I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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