I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
