I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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