God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize