my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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