My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
