Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just blew my weed a kiss
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
