My friends, they love my intelligence
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
