bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
