you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
