I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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