There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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