I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
