Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
