New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
