sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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