'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
