Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
