I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize