I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
