i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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