It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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