Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
