My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
