you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
