You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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