Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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