fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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