Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
