if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize