Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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