Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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