he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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