Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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