yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize
