guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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