ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
