i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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