there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
